Running Free

Several weeks have passed since my candidacy exam. The exam was one of the most stressful and pressurized situations I have ever been in. I had studied well and felt prepared but after nearly 6 weeks of 12-17 hours a day right up until I took the exam I realized that my brain was revolting and as the questions were asked my mind turned into a thick fog and a million fragmented pieces that I couldn't form together to make any sense. I was grasping and grasping but there was nothing there. It is the first time in my life that my mind froze like that. I was able to struggle through the exam and answer enough so that I somehow passed in the end, but I was really disappointed because my performance didn't represent what I really know. That being said, the exam came and went and I was able to get back to my experiments, research, and also running. For the first week or two following my exam my running was weak and inconsistent because of the 6 week running hiatus, foul weather, and because the stress from the exam took some time to completely dissolve away. This past week though, my running has improved drastically without the stress of the exam holding me back. I have felt like I have been running free for the first time in many months if not in over a year.

Monday was warmer than it has been all year and so I stripped down to a single shirt and shorts which felt amazing after 6 months of tights, toques, layers, gloves, and sleeves. I had been training for the past few weeks with a pack to prepare for my long Summer mountain run and so without the weight I felt extremely light and nimble. I ran really strong and summited Mount Doug 6 times for a total of about 3,000 feet of vertical both up and down. I just flew through the trails. I felt something that had been missing for some time...the twinge of a runners high...the warm glow that accompanies a runner when life is balanced and everything is in it's place!

Today I didn't have the option to drive to the trail head so I had to run the 3 mile evil black strip of asphalt, choked with walkers and automobile exhaust. The run started partly cloudy and about 55 degrees (perfect for running) and within 10 minutes my legs began to really start moving. It was one of those rare times where the legs crank like some sort of perpetual motion machine. The more I pushed them the faster they seemed to respond and it felt I was getting much more out of my legs than the energy I was investing. This carried me to the trail head and beyond the road extremely fast. I chose to do the more challenging and steep reverse route of the Mount Doug Gutbuster. As I was approaching the first summit the sun peered out of a dark veil of clouds and back lit a million succulent chartreuse leaves making them have the appearance of fluttering green butterflies. My spirits lifted as I rounded the corner to my first steep summit. The effects of the 3000 feet from Monday's run apparently hadn't fully left my system, and my legs began to fatigue. I pushed them right up to my lactic threshold trying to push beyond it so next run I can push it back even more. I tore down the mountain after summiting and felt the warmth from the patches of exposed sunlight between the new foliage-choked trees. After my descent I began a long and steady uphill grade to my next summit. I kept the legs spinning but they were tired. I didn't care I was free in the forest with my thoughts (free from stress and baggage that comes from feeling guilty if you aren't studying).

I began to think ahead 72 days when me and my best friend(s) line up at Smith and Morehouse Reservoir and begin our 24-ish mile run through Utah's Uinta Mountains to where we finally will summit Bald Mountain at 11,947 feet after 6,000 feet of vert. Is there still going to be too much snow in July? Will I be ready by then only being able to train at sea level and having no time to acclimatize? Questions began to spin around in my head. I began to think about Tim and I as we have spent many Summer's camping hiking and fishing in the shadows of the Uinta Mountains and now almost 20 years after our friendship began we will be running the same hallowed trails. I remember hiking there with Tim's dad and hearing him tell us how he used to run those trails and I couldn't fathom being able to do that and now I am months away.

The steep face of the last 100 feet of my second summit snapped me out of my thoughts and I began to grind up the steep face. On top I pound the last slug of water from my Ultimate Direction water bottle, I knew I could use all the fluids I could get with the sun now warming the temps. I glide down the slope and head for my final summit, the Bedrock Buster. The climb is steep and brutal and my legs are toast by this point. I pushed myself and ran on the exposed rib of diorite making up the trail. I catch my breath and am shocked to find dozens of people on the summit apparently deciding to crawl out of their holes to soak up some sun after driving to the top like hibernating critters. I decide not to linger in the crowds and plummet off the summit and down the mountain and instantly find myself alone again. My thoughts wander back to home and bounce from mountains in Utah and Colorado I want to summit, to the Himalayas. I wonder if I could ever accomplish my dream of summiting an 8,000 meter peak and what kind of money and kitchen pass I would have to come up with to attempt this. My legs are now spent as I reach the road. I painfully push myself the remaining few miles to my house. I feel I am ready for my first 4 hour run of the year. I will use the Easter weekend to run the Gowland Tod range and clock some time on my feet in that beautiful and under-utilized range just minutes away from Victoria. What a great feeling to be running free again!

Since my legs felt perpetual today I decided to post a song called "Perpetual" by Irish/British electronic group VNV Nation. VNV has components of Synthpop, Industrial, Trance and EMB sounds. The name stands for "Victory not Vengeance" in keeping with the band's motto that "One should strive to succeed, not sit in bitter regret." The song has a very perpetual motion sound to it and I like to use it as means of pushing myself during tough stretches or even to accompany me when running well like most of today. I saw these guys live in Salt Lake a few years ago and was really impressed with the positive energy and the great show they put on. Enjoy some Perpetual!